The professor has rejected my submission with the below comment: chapters 1, 2, and 3 needed editing, and my article is not following the template of the dissertation, which needed to be fixed. I am attaching both the university template and my article.
I suggest the following as revision:
- Use the vocabulary that you stated is closely related to “agri-food,” “food-chain network,” and “Internet of Things” and closely related. Your thesis is expected to use a literary-academic and professionally-related vocabulary to your research topic. As it is, both chapters use abundant adjectives, comparisons and metaphors with words that have little-to-no relationship to your dissertation topic. I pointed to a few such instances; I recommend using words related to your dissertation topic. If we address this now, when we are only at the second chapter, it will save us significant time with editing later on.
- I noticed that your writing style is prone to using long, multi-sentence phrases. Most of them are confusing, not only because of their length and semantics but also due to the observation above (using adjectives, metaphors, etc., as literary styles). Academic dissertations are typically written in a direct style, with a main sentence and one or two subordinate sentences. Not the same here. The recommendation is an objective, formal, direct, and factual writing style. Active Voice is recommended by placing the main sentence first. The use of long phrases is making difficult the use of Active Voice.